life has taken its toll on me

my body trembles and my head hurts every time they start to scream at each other. after all these years, i thought i would be used to it by now. but no.

how i wish i can make them see what i'm seeing...

the alcohol and the attitude are the fucking problem.

call me a chicken. i dont care. i have ran away many times and buried my head deep beneath, hoping that ignorance would have the solution. it never did.

how i wish...

lost again

it's weird feeling i'm getting.

i dont know why i keep doing the thing i'm doing, knowing very well in mind it will bring me nothing but despair at the end.

way ahead

last updated on 26 Feb 11

Jan - r2,1                                       haiz... not good enough
Feb - biathlon                               what a race... simply love it!
Mar - golf PC                               done!
Apr - new desktop                        laptop does the trick too
May - dive sipadan                       dive moalboal
Jun - IPPT gold                             $$
Jul - Taiwan                                  rain check. the new house took up quite far bit of time and effort
Aug - hybrid bike... or real bike?  rain check
Sep - dive komodo                       dive malapascua
Oct - learn caligraphy                   rain check
Nov - Bangkok... bagpack?           rain check
Dec - chill... NoEE chalet? o.O     rain check

was that a test? a joke? or a mockery?

i'm standing my life on a thin sheet of ice just above the freezing lake.

this is definitely not wise... but why am i still allowing it to stand there?


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23 Jan 11
it seems that every decisions i made since the start of dec are so freaking wrong!

:(