茉莉花

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27 Nov 10, 0200-0530
butter

I think this is it.

I sent her this: 'I don't think u can register it nw, but when u do...
u are just so full of urself. This is the second time I'm so upset, & I guess it shld b the last. I told u five times tt I can't afford to go back nw & tt any explanation won't serve it's purpose. Good night & good bye.'

I apologie if u feel wtf after reading this... that i'm just being ridiculous.

I came tonight cos I was high & had no where else to go. But well, I must admit, upon hearing tt she was gg all beer tonight I was worried sick. I cared... perhaps I shldnt have.

U may think it was a bgr thing, but I was all good and surprisingly gentlemanly when Daniel & Collin hit on her. I even take on e blame frm tt ridiculous melvyn tang, which was really WTF, but anyway I suck it up & I was totally fine it. on e contrary, I felt bad & compelled to look after her as a fren... esp after she 'merlion'.

she told me her story at e Lobby last time. I didn't ask beyond what she wanted to say. I respect hers cos I had mine too. Today, I REQUESTED to keep mine down, many times. I was on the verge of begging and crying. But WTF, I felt totally betrayed.

Let me tell you a secret: NEVER in my life have I left myself so venerable. I thot I was ready for a soul mate... I told her stuff, but now... I'm left feeling completely miserable over her betrayal.

Perhaps I was selfish with tt request. But I have been selfless. Am I wrong to request for tt very one selfish moment? Fuck, yes I was.

I know she weren't quite urself. But so were anyone else around. So was i.

I don't think she rmb what I told her last night; cos she was drunk. But is this a valid excuse? I told her b4, when she was wide awake. I said, all the other 'angers' we had between us were merely teasings and I will only hate 2 types of ppl: liar & back-stabber; she was e latter.

She didn't seem bothered & she didn't care. Perhaps she nvr will. If she did, she wld have took note & wldnt have done wat she did last night. Just for the record, in some of our conversations, I purposely left it open... but she was nvr interested to close it.

Whatever.. this is not impt any more.

it is now 7am; I'm still sitting outside here since she left. if u wanna claim tt I'm drunk-blabbering, so be it.

I just wanna say thank you for the short-lived friendship. I'm seriously hurt & upset, for e second time. But trust me for once, this is ultimate.

it really hurt, but thanks & good bye.


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i wrote this on my mobile calender outside butter. it's a sweet and yet sorrow episode in my life which i dont quite see how i can ever recover from it. perhaps, this entry didnt really explain why, but it really hurts and i really dont know how i can forgive her.

if you are a fren, let's not talk about it when we met. perhaps a lesson learn for whoever is reading... i'm always friendly and easy-going to anyone, even acquaintance. i'm quite impressed with my level of tolerance too. once you are a friend, u have my trust. i'm sorry i cant be as open as i wld want to be. yes i have things to hide, but i mean you no harm. pls treasure the trust, cos it hurts so much to take it back.

i'm stubborn at forgiving. i'm a taurus man.